Author: Michelle McVittie

We tend to talk TOO MUCH! We over explain.

You have to go to bed because we have a busy day tomorrow.

You have to go to school. If you don’t go to school you’ll miss too much school work, you’ll get behind.

What do you want your child to do? What will motivate them to do it?

State your expectation and don’t give them their motivator unless they follow through.

• When you finish your food Then you can have your cupcake.
• When your pajamas are on Then you can have a story.
• When your homework is done Then you can go outside to play.

Be clear.

Be consistent.

Walk away from the argument.

Use a visual to reinforce the expectation.

My visuals are not magic, they are a gateway to building independence in your children and teens. It will take time and patience. You will have to be consistent and open minded.

Your children want to do well, they just need the right tools to help them. We only retain 7% of what we hear. 55% of what we see, we retain. Visuals, timers and reminders are a must have to get things done. It’s about picking the right option for your child. Talk to them, make a plan, ask them what they want. Together you can make a plan that works for both of you, compromise from everyone is a must.

1. The key is to start small, start with one to three tasks to start. If children feel overwhelmed there will be little motivation to even start.
2. Pay attention to the effort your child is making and take it one day at a time.
3. Think about each child’s needs individually. What are they capable of doing? Your 9yr old may be functioning more like a 6yr, old for example. Alter your expectations accordingly.
4. Show them how to do it, do it together, watch them do it, then they can try it on their own. Some children will need this repeated many times.

If your children struggle with task initiation, organization, and follow through this chart can help.

Have clear expectations for your children. A visual is necessary and a reward or motivator can help.

A reward is not a bribe when done correctly. Talk about what you want done, and how many checks they need to get their reward.

A reward can be:

• Extra screen time
• Picking the dessert for the night
• Going to bed later
• A small dollar amount

Pick what you both think is fair. How long do they have to wait to get their reward? If they have a hard time making positive choices, waiting five or six days will be VERY discouraging.

This reward chart is for all ages. It’s not just little kids that need visuals and motivators.

With the right tools anything is possible.

https://www.etsy.com/ca/listing/601327253/instant-digital-download-teen-reward

Remember what it was like to be a kid?  We quickly forget how hard it really was.  Children don’t have to got to work, or pay bills but there are many things out of their control.  Children are very emotional. The adult brain is very rational.  It’s hard to get your children to open up.  These charts can help open up the lines of communication.

You can find them at my Etsy store as instant downloads

Looking for a speaker at your next event? Want to run a workshop for you and your friends?

With the right tools you can do Calm the Chaos in your home.

Speaking and workshop topic suggestions:

1. Getting your home and your children organized

2. Understanding behaviour, why kids act the way that they do

3. Building life skills in your children and teens

4. Self-care for moms, you can’t pour from an empty cup

5. Big emotions and how to help your child deal with them in a positive way

6. With the right tools anything is possible, why visuals work

 

Our brain automatically goes to the negative.  You have to train your brain to turn towards the positive.

Take this picture for example.  You could look at this picture and think:

• This is beautiful.
• A serene oasis.
• This would be my dream home.

Or you could also think:

• I wish I could go to a place like this, that will NEVER happen.
• I’ll never go on vacation!  It’s so unfair.
• All those trees, probably a lot of bugs around there.

You have to train your brain to be positive.

So what are you thinking?  What was your first thought?  I’m not saying you need to happy all the time.  That’s unnatural.  I do challenge you to think more positively.  Put positive messages around you.  Works or visuals that make you feel calm, positive and hopeful.

I have created a screen saver to get you started.  A freebie to help remind you that you have a choice.  You can choose to focus on the negative or you can choose to focus on the positive.

Today I choose happiness!

 

When you give birth, you are given two gifts: 1. a beautiful child. 2. mother’s guilt

The world is so harsh, and we feel as though we need to do it all.  If people aren’t shaming other mother’s on line or in person, then we are doing it to ourselves. You didn’t become a mom to do it all.  Stop being so hard on yourself. You are allowed to enjoy life as well, but HOW when you can’t get a break.

Watch my video for my views on this topic and how we can find a new way to do things!