The first time you leave your child at kindergarten can feel enormous.

They may cling to your leg and say:

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“Pick me up.”

“I don’t want to stay here.”

“Nobody is going to play with me.”

This pulls at your heart, and you wonder if they are ready.  Are they going to be ok? 

In the high school and college or university years the feels shift, but you worry is still there.  

Your teenager is struggling at school, having trouble with friends, overwhelmed by a roommate, anxious about a class or wondering whether they made the right decision.

And your want to help, your first response maybe:  “How can I fix this for you?”

But parenting is, in part, a gradual process of learning how to let go.

Not because our children stop needing us.  But because what they need from us changes.

When they are young we help them separate.

Young children need predictability.

Before the first day, talk about what drop-off will look like. Practice the routine.  Explain who will be there to help them.

Have a goodbye plan.

A special handshake, or saying.  Don’t let it drag on too long.

You can be warm and confident at the same time.

“I know you don’t want me to leave. It’s hard to say goodbye when you’re feeling nervous. Your teacher will help you, and I’ll be back after school. Let’s have our special goodbye hug, and then it’s time for me to go.”

You’re not dismissing the feeling. 

You’re communicating: “I hear you. And I believe you can handle this.”

Instead of Trying to Fix

Your instinct may be to immediately make a phone call, send an email, solve the roommate problem or tell them exactly what they should do.

But this is where your parenting role needs to shift.

Instead of immediately fixing it, try:

Validate → Ask → Problem-solve → Step back.

“Wow. That sounds really hard.”

“What part feels hardest right now?”

“What do you think your options are?”

“Do you want me to help you think through them?”

Then let them take the next step.

The question every parent can ask themselves

When your child is struggling, ask: “Am I stepping in because my child needs me—or because I need to feel better?”

Sometimes they genuinely need you to intervene.  But sometimes your discomfort with watching them struggle is what makes you jump in.  And that’s understandable. You love them.

You don’t want them to hurt.

But you can’t remove every difficult feeling, friendship problem, disappointment, mistake or uncomfortable experience from their lives.

Your job is not to make sure our children never struggle.

Your job is to help them learn:

“I can struggle and still figure things out.”

At kindergarten, we teach them that they can walk into the classroom without us.

At university, we’re teaching them that they can walk into life without us.

And through all of it, they still need to know:

I believe in you, and I’m here. 

And if you’re reading this thinking, Okay Michelle, but what do I actually DO when my child is crying, refusing or melting down?—that’s exactly why I created Worry Warrior.

It’s a simple, practical starting point for parents who are tired of guessing whether they’re pushing too hard or giving in too much.

You’ll get 3 digestible video modules, workbooks, printable parent and child resources, progress and motivation tools, and a process for creating your own parenting plan around a situation that’s getting in the way.

It’s $27 with lifetime access.

You’ll learn how to interrupt the avoidance cycle, stay consistent and help your child take one manageable step forward—even when they’re uncomfortable.