Yup, you heard me right. My mother-in-law offered to come into the house and clean up. I was a Mom with young children. They are messy, they are time consuming and I wasn’t cleaning up after them because I was playing with them instead. I was able to shut out the mess, but it was still there. I’m not sure if I was too tired to care, not sure where to start or cleaning just wasn’t that important in my mind. I think it was probably a combination of all of them.
Accepting help was
swallowing my pride
and saying yes to
less stress and a
My mother-in-law as trying to be helpful. She knew what it was like to be a mom with young kids. She wasn’t judging me or making me feel bad. I saw the help as a failure. My house wasn’t clean enough. Maybe it was worse than I thought it was? I should be doing this myself. But instead of playing the shame game I said yes. Accepting help was swallowing my pride and saying yes to less stress and a cleaner home. Saying yes was allowing my mother-in-law to support me. Did I appreciate it? Of course I did, but I thought it was personal. It wasn’t personal, it wasn’t about me. It was one mother supporting another another mother.
Do you struggle accepting help? What do you think is behind that uncomfortable feeling? When you partner tells you to take a break to do say no?
When people offer help, it’s usually because they care. When you are struggling and tired, saying no can send an unwelcome message to the person who is trying to support you. It is not a weakness to ask for help. You are not failing when you can’t do it all. You are not supposed to do it all!
What message are you unintentionally sending when you say no? :
- You are not aware of the problem, or how you are reacting
- You are not willing to work on a solution
- You have a hard time receiving (even though you are are ok will giving)
- You don’t want to look weak
- You don’t trust the person offering help
- You don’t want to give up control (if I leave will things be done correctly?)
The Solution is giving up control and be nicer to yourself.
To accept help you have to be vulnerable. If this is hard for you, take one step at a time. If you have a hard time giving up control, you have to learn to tolerate being uncomfortable. If you refuse to accept help, eventually people may stop offering. It takes a village. Just as you enjoy helping others in your own way, let others offer you the same gift.
If you want to take a bigger leap, ask for a help. You deserve to receive love and you are not weak for asking or accepting support.