I would prefer my husband to clean the kitchen (service) over bringing me home flowers (gifts). We tend to give love the way we want to receive it. Gary Chapman’s book changed how I give love to those around me. It also changed how I ask for love.

The chart above breaks things down to help you understand the 5 love languages and how to give it to your child. There are tests at the back of the books to drill down what your child’s love language is. There is a separate book and quiz/questionnaire for children, teens, couples and men.

In the first book Dr. Chapman tells a story about a man that makes tea and toast for his wife. He would always give her the bum of the bread. One day she finally had enough. She told him he always gave her the worst part of the bread. His response was “It’s my favourite part, that’s why I give it to you.” Our perception of a situation may not be the reality. The wife didn’t feel her husband was thinking of her, not true at all.

You may feel as though your partner or your children are getting what they need, but are they?

Do you have a child that loves to cuddle, but you would prefer to sit on the chair than on the couch beside your child. You may not be a touchy, feely person, but your child needs you to be.

Is your child motivated by praise, but you buy them little gifts instead?

Quality time fills my cup. I ask for quality time from my husband and I make sure I give it to my children as well. Children are not always aware of what they need. They won’t say “Mom instead of running around in the morning, I would really love for you to sit and eat with me.” Instead they’ll spill their milk or pick a fight with their sister. Then you’ll sit down and eat with them. That little bit of time is what they wanted. They just don’t know how to ask for it. Or if they are, are you hearing them?

So what is your love language? Are you getting the love you need?