I am a pleaser, I have been my whole life. It SUCKS. Learning to say no to other’s has been a hard journey.
Three years ago I decided to start making decisions that would suit my needs, not everyone else’s. It started at work. I was being put down by my coworker. We got along well for the first three months of my new job, then I woke up. I started looking for a new job, I was so unhappy. But why should I leave I thought. I had to say something to her. It was so hard to finally confront my coworker. My head was going to explode with anger. So I took the plunge… writing out my concerns first.. I rehearsed what I’d say.. and then asked to speak to her.
It was akward . She was horrible, and mean. At the end, I gave her a hug. I guess I couldn’t handle the misery. She didn’t apologize or care about how she made me feel. It didn’t go well, but today I’m glad I did it. Her behavior mellowed after time; I think our talk influenced that. I learned that I could stand up for myself, even when it didn’t feel good at the time.
I don’t like to upset people. I don’t want to offend anyone. But the resentment I felt for others as I held my tounge, or did things to please them, wore me down.
As with anything, practice makes things easier. I surround myself with people that I like. I don’t have time for anything else. I try not to take things personally. People aren’t jerks because I’m a bad person. They are jerks for their own reasons. It’s not my duty to help them, or be their friend because no one else will. Forget that! Been there, done that. I’m not doing it anymore. I once hung out with a guy out of pity, it didn’t end well, and I was MISERABLE.
So I take a stand for myself. For my sanity and for my happiness. I don’t go out of my way to tell someone off. But if I have to share how I feel and the end result is someone being upset, so it needs to be.
I’m a recovering pleaser. I take it day by day. One party regret at a time. But I’m much happier because of it.
By saying no to other’s I’m saying yes to myself! I’m proud I’m actually following through and pushing the pleaser in me aside.